Defining Success
When I was younger, I envisioned my life to be very lavish, top of the line, untouchable even. I always saw myself with the finest clothes, cars, houses, bags, jewelry - you name it. I never gave too much thought to what a family might look like for me and didn't even plan my dream wedding (like everyone assumes that all women do). As a little girl, I had very simply decided that I was meant to have the finer things in life. Some of my peers may see me in a moment and decide that I've arrived at my destination. My mentors see me and know that when I do arrive, I'll do so very fittingly. However, when I see myself, I feel a great distance from where I've started and an even greater distance to where I would like to be.
Oprah did an interview with Tervor Noah and Noah asked Oprah what trait is consistent among all the successful people that she's interviewed. She simply responded and said, "people get to where they want to go because they know where they want to go." As a child, I thought I had it all figured out - as many adults will say, most children do. Now, to be clear, I didn't think I had life figured out, but at the very least I thought I knew what I wanted out of life. Me typing that out helps me realize how ridiculous even that is. Aside from that, I'll say that as children, we (or most of us) aren't really given the tools to truly develop ourselves with life skills. We may not have had parents that had the resources to pour into our talents, whether those resources were time and/or money, or teach us basic fundamentals of what to expect from life. We may not have had parents that understood what it looks like to work through mental challenges and past traumas, so we may not have those tools either and end up stuck in cycles.
The most common formula for life has been to go to elementary school, then middle, then high and finally transition into college before hopping into a career that we're supposed to commit to until the end of time. In my 24 years, I am just now beginning to understand life's gravity. There was no class that taught me the importance of community and family. There was no book able to explain my personal purpose. There was no course I could take to help me work through my pain and trauma. I, as many of us do, had to learn by fire. I had to fall flat on my face time and time again in hopes of learning how not to make the same mistakes. Now, I'm working toward making a connection between what the younger version of me wanted as she grew up and what the current version of me understands about the world, her priorities and her desires.
Success is widely defined by designer clothes, sparkly jewelry and fancy cars. In my personal life, the value of these material things are much lower on my list compared to the intangible things. Please do not mistake what I'm saying here, I still like nice things, but I've reached a point in life where I realize just how much I love my family and spending time with my friends. I've noticed over time how important partnership is to me. After countless jobs, from being a hostess at restaurants to a sales associate at luxury retail stores, I've become less and less motivated by money and materials.
I say all of this to say that success looks different for everyone and according to Oprah, the common denominator to success is knowing what it is for you. This week, I challenge you, and myself, to define success for our lives. Be as descriptive and specific as possible. Write it down in a journal or a piece of paper that you can access easily so you can refer back to it. We can all be successful, as long as we know how it looks.
