In Session… Setting Boundaries with Family
We've all experienced hurt by those we're supposed to love most - our families. It's certainly not an experience we want to have, but to some degree it seems inevitable. Sometimes we're hurt rather severely - even to the point of no return. Other times it's a sort of "bearable pain" or just minor inconveniences that simply push us away and make us very picky about when we interact with our family. Whichever way it goes, I have good news. My therapist likes to remind me of this when we're in session. She says, "your family only makes you related." You and I get to define our relationships beyond that.
In my particular case, family means a lot - and in some cases it means too much. I'm a sucker for the ones I love. So much so that I find myself caring about things and people more than I should. If you haven't already guessed, this leads me down a path of a lot of disappointment. Through tons of trial and error, I've come to the conclusion that boundaries and managing my expectations is a must. (In Session … Setting Expectations That Serve You — IZZI (izzijaiyesimi.com) Whether with my friends, my spouse and even my family, I have to be able to say enough is enough. I have to be able to say no - and saying no doesn't always feel good. Especially depending on who you're saying no to.
I recently had a conversation with a trusted family member where I came to a lot of these conclusions. Of course these ideas had been running in the background for a while, but it wasn't until I was able to vocalize my thoughts that they became real to me. In this conversation with my confidant, I was vocal about my boundaries and the behaviors that were no longer acceptable to me. It was an uncomfortable conversation to have to some degree. Mainly because I was raised to be and think a certain way growing up. Now, for the first time in my life, I was speaking out against some of the same habits and ideologies that I was raised with. I was being honest about the behaviors that hurt me and the consequences that would follow regardless of who was on the receiving end.
I know this all may sound harsh after the first take, but hear me out. You and I are in charge of creating lives that fulfill and inspire us. I, personally, take that responsibility very seriously and am the type of person willing to do what it takes to achieve my goals. If you haven't read my previous post I'm working on setting standards for myself (In Session … Setting Expectations That Serve You — IZZI (izzijaiyesimi.com) and in doing so I've become very selective on what does and does not fly in my personal space.
Family is a huge highlight at this time of year. Maybe your family consists of those that are related to you directly or maybe you've created your own family to include friends, a spouse, kids or a mixture. Regardless of what family looks like for you - I encourage you to take inventory of those relationships and ensure that your needs are being met. If they aren't, I challenge you to take action. This can be in the form of having a conversation about what your expectations and needs are and allowing grace for there to be a correction in behavior. Or maybe, your action is to create some distance for a time period so that you're able to heal from whatever pain you may have. Either way, don't be ashamed to express your needs and set boundaries that protect the life you wish to lead. You and I are in this together. Let's see it through to the end.
