The Bowels of Burnout
For a little over a week, I've been feeling a new version of burnout. Usually I just feel worn out and/or sleepy, but this time around I felt extremely unmotivated and unenthused. It almost felt like a small depression. I wasn't exactly sure where it was coming from - or maybe I didn't give myself space to get to the bottom of my emotions. Throughout the week I just kept ruminating on what hadn't gotten done, what needed to be done still, and what I anticipated to need doing next. Had this been 2 years ago, absolutely nothing would be worked on - everything would come to an abrupt halt until I felt better. However, now I've evolved into the space of always pushing through and moving forward. While I enjoy my commitment to moving ahead and staying on course, I don't like the idea of allowing my inner self to suffer in the process. I had to look for balance while in the bowels of burnout.
I'm liable to question the purpose of life when it becomes too inconvenient. In some cases (maybe most cases) I can be a little dramatic. Nevertheless, through my sometimes dramatic ways, I've learned to cater to myself in ways that serve me best when I need it most. After a few days of feeling less than myself, I decided to take things pretty easy. I established what was absolutely necessary versus what could wait a little while. This gave me the opportunity to literally work through some of my feelings with enough time to also sit with them. During the process I felt frustrated as I did things I didn't really feel like doing at that time, which forced me to show up for myself. I had to talk myself through my frustration as opposed to allowing it to take over me and my tasks. I was extremely irritable most days, almost any and everything annoyed me. This led me to more quiet time with my thoughts, which is where I birthed new ideas and found new inspiration. Overall, my demeanor was flat and monotonous. It didn't feel great. Regardless of how it felt in the moment, in the grand scheme of things, it incited a gentle challenge that I'm proud to say that I handled (and to some degree still handling) very well.
As I struggled finding what to write this week, (very late in the week, might I add) I settled on writing my truth. I tried writing other articles that just didn't feel right, but if I've learned nothing else during this time, I've learned that accepting the present, in all of its entirety, will always serve you. Even in the most uncomfortable situations. There is always a lesson to be learned, always a new skill to develop and always a reason to celebrate your growth. What started as a "bad week" is turning out to be an eye opening moment of self development. I was willing to face the challenge head on and take it a step at a time. I stayed true to myself, despite what others may have wanted. I showed up for myself and gave my mind, body and spirit exactly what they needed. Let this be your inspiration to find the balance you can maintain whether it be just for today, or this week or this month. Stay strong, extend yourself some grace and take your time.
